Authenticity – Nov 16

It is an ancient dream of mine to trek the emerald mountains and valleys of Bhutan.  In order to do so, I will either need to sail the vast oceans in a metal-bowl or fly the ocean-of-sky within a steel-tube…neither of which look anything like my destination, but are necessary aspects of my journey.

bhutan.jpg
EMERALD BHUTAN

So, too, is my journey of authenticity.  My perceived destination looks nothing like the terrain of my daily travels, and yet I realize that I must travel in order to ‘arrive.’ <<as though there is an ‘arrival’, but let us not further complicate this 😉 >>  

I would like to share one notion of authenticity that I journey towards – the personal knowledge of when and why I wear the masks I do – spoken about in the video below.  I highly suggest watching this video before you read the blog, in order to familiarize yourself with the theatre called Life and the masks we wear.

<<in this four minute video, you will hear the brilliant voice of Alan Watts in the background…a powerful guide in my life ♥>>

…thanks to Superman-Clark for sharing this video…

A U T H E N T I C I T Y

authentic-ghandi.png

Sometimes the meaning of an experience would only begin to dawn on me years afterwards, and even then I often had to go over the same ground again and again, with intervals of years between…the growth of understanding follows…a spiral rather than a straight line.  ~ A Life Of One’s Own


Blossom of Time

I understand that modern-day society views Time as a constant, linear line which corresponds to specific numbers and events, thereby allowing us to define the world in which we live.

I do not experience Time as such; for me Time is blossoming – a star cluster of infinite drops expanding in space.  

time as star cluster
Blossom of Time

My experiential-definition does not allow me to explicitly define the world around me, instead, my definition allows me to view life as an enormous mystery in which each drop is a journey unto itself.

Why do I share my experiential-definition of Time?  With your kind consent, may I please spiral back around to the first quote of this blog, and explain.

…I often had to go over the same ground again and again…the growth of understanding follows…a spiral rather than a straight line.  ~ A Life Of One’s Own

This quote reveals to me the brilliance of the author; she understands that learning, growth and change occur as cyclical, spiral, meandering, wanderlusts called LIFE.

what i planned - happened.JPG
Spiral, Meandering, Wanderlusts = LIFE

And I do not compare one drop-of-life to another.  I believe we are uniquely and perfectly tuned to Nature’s rhythms; Who knows how long it takes one petal to unfurl?


SPIRALS OF LEARNING

I mention time and spirals because this blog may seem redundant to those who seek to know intellectually, instead of experiencing the natural flow of circumstances and opportunities.  

One of the prominent characteristics of an inner journey are the spiraling layers of seemingly repetitive issues.  But, this is when art becomes craftsmanship: through repetition, reiteration and recurring practice, i.e. the art of living.

muddy feet.jpg

I often forget that life is art and instead work so damn hard to ‘get it right’.  During such moments, I feel…

…inadequate [and] I tried to make up for it by striving after the things other people did…but the only result seemed to be frequent weariness.  ~ A Life Of One’s Own

It has taken me years to hear the wisdom of exhaustion; when exhaustion sets in I know I am not on a healthy path – for me – feeding a demon instead of my Soul. Exhaustion is generally my first clue that I am trying damn hard to gain admiration, acceptance or agape from others. Trying feels like…

…an internal clenching…[but] the response I hoped for would happen if I just looked in the direction I wanted to go and waited.  ~ A Life Of One’s Own

WAIT.  

Wait.  Imagine pulling a bow string for 10 years…and never releasing an arrow…can you?

archer wu wei
Non-Action

By non-action there is nothing which cannot be effected. ~ Lao-Tze

imagine…

non-action…

and the powerful effect…

of

non-action.

It was only when I began to look through my diary and analyse it that I had come upon a clue to the problem…my best moments…appeared to be…an active holding back from any form of action.  ~ A Life Of One’s Own

When I practice the art of non-action, I am spacious and effortless.  These moments are so precious that I increasingly practice the art of non-action, non-doing, non-trying, non-forcing, non-insisting; known as wu-wei.  

wuwei.png


WU-WEI 

Wu-wei is an art which includes movement.  Yes, there is movement in non-doing but it is without thought, without pre-meditation, without force.  The art of non-doing is crucial to healthy movement in life, and also to my endeavor with authenticity.  

So, how does one do-nothing in order to create movement when the doing negates the non-doing?  😉

Non-doing is a very tricky thing to do.  I began to understand this art by sensorially experiencing the mumuration of starlings; their every movement synchronized perfectly to the world around them…instantaneous…harmonious…mesmerizing…the movement of non-doing: BEAUTIFULLY.

murmuring starlings.jpg
click to sensorially experience

The author continues to free-flow write and decides to include a new method, she begins to ‘watch’ her chattering mind – her stream-of-consciousness – and finds that…

…forcing my thoughts did not work…I must neither push my thought nor let it drift.  ~ A Life Of One’s Own

I begin to ‘watch’ my own chatterbox and quickly discover that when I force or insist the ‘watching’, I simply arrive at a losing-stalemate in which no movement is possible.  

chess with two kings.jpg
Forcing = Stalemate

I slowly begin to sense when I stop practicing the art of non-doing because my mind is chaotic and rigid, nothing like the graceful beauty of a murmuring.  This ‘doing‘ mind is…

…an unreasonable mind…liable to cling to its own view…and set all sorts of impossible standards for myself {and others}…  ~ A Life Of One’s Own

…plus, I am so accustomed to ‘doing-life‘ that I become…

…fearful of missing any aspect through inattention…[and] I would often attend so carefully that I missed the whole thing.  ~ A Life Of One’s Own

It takes a few more games of stalemate before I learn to gently encourage my engagement with non-doing, it is then that I realize…

…the moments when I was really aware…were not very frequent…there must be dozens [of acts] which grew out of this irrational, self-centered and self-distorted reverie.  ~ A Life Of One’s Own

distorted mirror.jpg
Self-Distorted Reverie

<<dear lord, forget what i said before and just save me from my self! amen 😉 >>

Shhhhh.  I am going to tell you, and only you!, a very, very BIG secret…  

I am childish and distorted of thought!  :0

A most crucial step in the mental development of a child is learning how to distinguish between thoughts and things. A child gradually discovers both that the physical world…cannot be wheedled into obeying him, and also that what is in his mind is not necessarily in other people’s. ~ A Life Of One’s Own

Not in other people’s?  Really?  I know this.  YAWN.  Who doesn’t!?!

So…why mention it?  

Because.  BIG secret #2…

I do not always behave as though I know this.  🙂

When my triggers flip or my needs are demanding attention, I am prone to forget that the world is not ME

I had not entirely grown out of this childhood tendency…that other people have their own desires…[and] these antics of childish thought occurred particularly when I was under the influence of emotion.  ~ A Life Of One’s Own


The Living Past

I am generally very present and thoughtful with my words and actions, but I am not without a few conscious (and unconscious) triggers which can flip in an instant.

<<a handful of you have been witness to my triggers :/ … these are exceedingly difficult moments for me 😦 >>  

I cannot say whether it is due to my nature, nurture or life experiences, but when I am very emotional (triggered) I cannot process situations in a healthy manner and ..

…any trifling worry might spread its cloud over the whole landscape…  ~ A Life Of One’s Own

…of my life.  

dark clouds.jpg

This worry-cloud becomes all-consuming, as if solving this one worry is sufficient to erase all troubles from my life.  And while my worry might be valid, my mind often escalates the worry by inferring past upon present.

My recent foray into free-flow writing allows me to witness my mind’s reaction as it happens upon…

…a chance memory from the remote past…[I] behave as if the present were my past…a burst of rage…tongue-tied nervousness…  ~ A Life Of One’s Own

…a fitful terror, or an age-old lament returns, due to any similarity between past and present.  

past and present.jpg
Dundas & Ossington ~ 1923/2011

I belabor this point intentionally.  In fact, I earnestly focus-in on it; my personal experience has shown – and in supporting many others through the healing art of Jin Shin Jyutsu – that the number one cause of disruptions and difficulties in life are due to the past living the present…yet, the bearer of the living-past is unaware of their doing so. <<i know, i know, i have said this MANY times before 🙂 >>  

pooh bear today.jpg

And further exacerbating this blindness is a dominant attitude I sense in our society, to “leave the past behind,” which in and of itself is great wisdom, <<pooh bear is the wisest after all>> but traumatic events do not simply pass behind, they cling, they grasp, they unconsciously dominate ‘now’.  

But, this need not be so.  I am ever-so-slightly beginning to recognize the signs that…

…tell me when I was evading an unadmitted thought – worry, depression, headache, feelings of rush and over-busyness – part of my mind seemed in fact quite determined that I should not discover what the trouble was…endless excuses and deceits…[I] feign all matter of urgencies…  ~ A Life Of One’s Own

…urgencies that feel paramount to my existence, and yet, are mere distractions when I create space and look through a wide-focus lens, i.e. free-flow writings.

Chief of these tricks of distraction was the making of the most reasonable reasons to explain my own actions.  ~ A Life Of One’s Own

<<gotta love that one…seems i ain’t met a single soul that do not rationalize away their actions 🙂  and i, the queen!>>


BLIND THINKING

Endless self-deceptions were of course possible…  ~ A Life Of One’s Own

woman in red blindfold.jpg

Our thoughts are not harmless.  ~ The Five Invitations

<<a little teaser for next week…our blind thinking of thunks 🙂 >>


THOUGHTFUL

fortune telling present

  • Am I comfortable with the various terrains that a journey exposes me to?
  • Do I wear mask(s) in life? 
    • If yes, am I aware of the masks I wear and when/why I wear them?
    • If yes, which are necessary and which might be unnecessary?
  • Am I easily frustrated when a lesson is repeated, or I find myself in the ‘same situation‘?
    • If yes, do I believe that learning, growth, change occur through deepening spirals?
  • Am I patient with myself when learning, growth and change are afoot?
  • Do I try really-damn-hard?
    • If yes, when/why? Can Trust, Faith or Hope allow me to release ‘trying’?
  • Am I familiar with moments of non-action in my life?
    • If no, how can I understand the art of wu-wei?
  • Am I aware of my mindless brain chatter?
    • If no, do I wish to become aware, with curiosity? <<and humor 😉 >>
    • If yes, what does my stream-of-consciousness reveal about myself?
  • Am I aware of moments when similarities with my past, bring it to life?
    • If yes, how can I minimize the effects of my past on my present?
  • Do I sense a deep exhaustion with life, beyond the physical body?
    • If yes, am I trying too hard?  
    • If yes, how can I bring the effortlessness of non-doing into my life? 
  • Am I willing to discover my authenticity?

meditation of love
All blessings and tinkling bells of honey to your heart.

 

 

1 thought on “Authenticity – Nov 16”

  1. Thank you… This is just what I needed today. The message on my app at the end of my meditation today was, “Being still does not mean don’t move. It means move in peace.” – E’yen A. Gardner.
    Clearly I am manifesting the message of wu wei that I need today by letting myself be silently drawn…

    Like

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