Community (Oct 26th)

Sharing ~ from our community

paperdolls

Perhaps because of the great divide and tension in our country, I feel more desire to enjoy each moment, be grateful for what I have, and do what I can to find common ground between myself and those that I do not agree with.


Community ~ Ask & Respond

long distance relationship

FOR CONSIDERATION: “I’ve met someone who I have a great chemistry with. We don’t have exactly the same opinion on things, in fact, we are opposites on many. Nonetheless, I would love to continue to pursue a deeper relationship, I’m moving away however. What are the communities thoughts on long distance relationships??”

RESPONSE(S):

§§  Having a different opinion on things isn’t the same as having different core values, which is important. Only you know the answer to that. If you feel a chemistry and want to pursue it then do so. Life throws enough obstacles at you without creating your own. If it turns out to be real there isn’t anything that can’t be worked out.

§§   It’s personal. Go with your wants, desires. Instincts. Most don’t work, but many have, at least in the short term.

§§  I am very supportive of long distance relationships. My partner and I began our now fifteen year marriage in a long distance relationship. By removing the physical, there is a genuine focus on what it means to listen and be present with and for each other. Being “separate” can provide an opportunity to build a true foundation, built on the intimacy of support through the non-physical.

§§   Long distance relationships can be a challenge, but then again, all relationships have challenges. One of the ways I look at distance as a productive way of love is, if both partners are committed to one another, there is a longing that’s created in the absence of each other. Often times, in today’s world of fast pace, and multi tasking, there are times that two people find it easier to make excuses as to why they’re not as engaged as they should be. When distance is the nature of the relationship, usually, more thought is given to spending what time they do get together, doing quality activities, and not wasting time. It creates a “missing” of their Partner, and as such, can lead to a very intense, loving bond!! They key to a long distance relationship working, in my opinion, is open, honest communication, and a willingness to work together on the needs of both partners. Another bonus is, the ability to see other places more frequently, and become less rigid about being mobile!! Go into it with an open mind, and heart, and don’t set unrealistic expectations!! Could be a real adventure!!

§§   I believe that long distance relationships are one of the hardest types to pull off well, since both partners have to be so invested in maintaining closeness in the relationship. It is very easy to lose a level of intimacy when separated by distance, as you don’t get to experience the small day to day life events with your partner. I do believe that your relationship can work, but only if both parties are ready to put in the immense effort it will take to be successful!

§§   Hmmm, seems it would  be wise to ask each person to be fully honest with themselves, and the other.  Do both parties involved feel their needs can be met in a long distance relationship?  If yes, odds are they will discover how to make it work!  Otherwise, if either party feels long-distance is not a healthy situation for them (mentally, emotionally or physically) than it would be wise to respect that.

<<thanks to our dear community for thoughtful and unique responses – such wisdom and beauty!>>


Community ~ Ask & Respond

looking-for-love

FOR CONSIDERATION: “I find that relationships with my family and my partner are the hardest ones for me to truly be me because I seek their love, approval and attention.  How can I dare to be more authentic?  And what will I lose in doing so?”

RESPONSE(S):

§§   You won’t lose anything because if you don’t feel accepted and loved for who you really are by those closest to you, you don’t really have anything. I think you underestimate the acceptance and love they have for you. Give them a chance, although it may take some time for them to adjust. I urge you to seek professional counseling, something we all need sometime in our life, to help you with the underlying issues.

 §§   Also ask yourself what are you losing by not doing so? If you are being false to please others, you’re hurting everyone involved. If you’re simply holding back, to keep the peace and you don’t need to share every aspect of yourself with these people, then that can sometimes be an OK position. But the stress of always trying to please others will eventually catch up to you and you will break in some way or another.

§§   In relationships with your family, I feel they should know, and hopefully accept you, just as you are!! With your partner, I feel you need to ask yourself, did you try to be someone you’re not, to win their attention?? If so, chances are good, there will be issues, as sooner or later, the real you will come out. I say, be yourself, do what you love, so long as it does not harm others or yourself, and those who truly love you, will want to be near you and will approve, knowing any other version of you, is an act at best!! The true loss would be, trying to be someone or something you’re not, and never achieving your full potential!!  

§§   You ask what you will lose by being more authentic with those close to you, and I believe that that answer is that you will lose nothing. If your partner or family member rejects your authentic self, it will be so SO difficult to accept, but truly you are only ridding yourself of someone who was undeserving of your authenticity in the first place. The truth is that someone can never truly love/approve of you if you are not authentic (since they are only approving of the mask you have on). The way I think about it is that you’re never truly loved by someone you are unauthentic with, so be brave, and take the step in being fully authentic with others AND yourself so that you may find authentic love, and shed the burden of conditional love.

§§   Ahhh, yes.  It can be very painful to let go of the love that others give you when you ‘meet their needs,’ and it can also be very confusing, frustrating and lonely for all involved while you discover a more genuine you.  I found that when I stopped being who everyone wanted me to be, I felt awful, and then, after some time passed, I discovered an inner peace I had never known.  And with time, those that loved me, re-built new relationships with the ‘more’ authentic me. This is not an easy path you walk, but one well worth it…be honest, kind and eternally-patient with everyone involved. 

<<thanks to our dear community for thoughtful and unique responses – such wisdom and beauty!>>


SOAPBOX!

Following are your soapbox thoughts!

soapbox.jpg

 <<y’all should get on that damn box more often! 🙂 >>

One of my children is currently a member of a competitive sports team. As parents, my partner and I feel very “outside” the clique of team-parents. It’s an odd feeling and one we are not used to experiencing. We have begun to wonder if the fact that we are not part of the dominant religious/cultural community is playing a part. We are so hesitant to even bring it up because it seems like a cheap and easy out, given where we live. We moved here and have worked so hard to not be part of the religious divide. But there are times where I/we just want to run away from the coldness and be with friends who make us feel loved and accepted, unconditionally.  We wonder if there is value in pushing through this, not running, but rather embracing this feeling of uncomfortableness, sitting with the emotions that surface and holding the space to find common ground, seek out a smile or a nod, and work towards acceptance, or at least a warm co-existence…


THOUGHTFUL

reading in nature

 

Following are a few thoughtful thoughts to consider:  

  • Do I make the most of the intimacy I have in my life?
  • Do I seek to be intimate, or do I seek to withdraw into safety?
  • Do I have long-distance relationships (not necessarily romantic)?
    • If yes, how to I maintain intimacy and closeness?
  • Do I understand my level of desired intimacy in relationships: romance, friendship, etc.?
    • If yes, do my partners know my desired level of intimacy?
    • If not, what can I do to discover my needs?
  • Am I 100% authentic in my relationships?
    • If yes, <<i, the author of this blog, am happily calling your bullshit 🙂 >>
  • Which relationships am I more authentic in?  
    • Do I understand why I feel safe to be authentic in some and not others?
  • Do I understand what is truly authentic to me, beyond religion, society, family, professional ‘standards’?
    • If not, no worries!  November is all about AUTHENTICITY!

meditation of love
All blessings and tinkling bells of honey to your heart.

 

 

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