Community (Oct 12th)

Beautiful-sharing from our community:

paperdolls

“To dare, is to lose one’s footing momentarily. Not to dare, is to lose oneself.” ― Søren Kierkegaard

 

Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that. ~ Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.


Community ~ Ask & Respond

girl-facing-fear-demon

FOR CONSIDERATION: “I find that fear often consumes a large portion of my life and stops me from doing the things I want to do.  In what way(s) do you fight fears when they arise?”

RESPONSE(S):

§§  Fear is a very big part of my life. When I am confronted by fear, I tell myself that I have two choices, I either try or I don’t. Trying is living so if I don’t try, I get to that place where I rob myself of living a full life. One thing I have learned from fear is that there is a fine line between overcoming fear versus disregarding fear. As someone who is surrounded by very athletic and powerful people, I feel like women have to overcome fear and men need to respect fear. Fear is tricky because things can always go wrong…it’s a daily balance act.

§§   Fear. It has ruled much of my life and is a daily reminder of my mortality and my spiritual journey toward freedom. I often remember the Rumi quote that goes a bit like…”do not run from what you fear, run toward what you love.” This reminder is often enough for me to get my arse moving, to run toward that which I love…but sometimes I must run through my fear in order to reach that which I love. And I have found that only love is stronger than fear. So, if I don’t truly love, I become stuck within my boundaries of fear. And lest Love be confused with romance or desire, I will define Love as the natural pull one feels toward joy.

§§  I pray, meditate and use affirmation/ mantras to remove fear and turn my thoughts to being useful.

§§   School is emotionally exhausting for me but I know that if I go anyway, it won’t be near as bad as I make it in my head, so most times I have to ignore the negative or fearful thoughts and force myself to go.  Sometimes, you just can’t listen to your head!  So much of fear is psychological for me so once I am finally doing the thing that frightens me, I discover that I made it out to be worse than it actually is.  And then I just learn to breathe through it, which can be very hard!

§§   I think not many will want to answer this question because everyone is trying to figure it out!  Fear is a huge issue in LIFE!  I have found that I can spend my life running away but it always catches up to me.  And yes, I get kicked in teeth sometimes by life but if I don’t keep trying new things, I feel dead inside.  My biggest moment of understanding came after taking my daughter to therapy for her severe anxiety, that is when I learned that I needed to prove to myself that my perceptions weren’t real.  “it’s all in my head” 🙂

§§   Fear!! Yes, that one emotion has caused me more grief, lost opportunity, and wasted time, than most all other emotions combined!! When I feel true fear, I ask myself, what am I afraid of, is it warranted, is it understandable, and can it truly harm me. Once I identify the nature of the fear, I can then start to rationalize, and break down what steps need to be taken to neutralize it. If the same, or very similar fears arise in the future, they are usually much easier to identify and navigate, and hopefully, not create such angst!! The key for me is, take just enough time to clearly understand the nature of the fear, face it, address the issue(s), take necessary steps to neutralize it, then either avoid the circumstance that brought me to it in the future, or be prepared to do what is necessary to avoid harm from it.

<<thanks to our dear community for thoughtful and unique responses – such wisdom and beauty!>>


Community ~ Ask & Respond

 

dependence on sex:romance

FOR CONSIDERATION: “How do I detach, specifically, from romantic/sexual dependence?”

RESPONSE(S):

§§   If I begin to think that I can only be happy with one specific thing or person I remind myself that this line of thinking is toxic, not only to myself but all those around me. I also remind myself that while sex is an important part of life, it must be balanced, even though society and consumerism pushes sex as far more important than it is. I often feel many men don’t understand the cycle of nature to the depth a woman does for she experiences it every month, and this cycle has a natural ebb and flow of closeness and aloneness. There can be many reasons why someone struggles to detach, but I think one of the deepest is an insecurity within that seeks stability or balance. If I am balanced within and without, I find I am not as dependent or attached to any one person or thing.  And that is a tricky balance for me.

§§   Hmmmm, perhaps I am the worst person to answer this as I have yet to fully understand my own desires concerning this dependence. What little I have gleaned from experience, I share here…take it with many grains of salt. When I need another person to be something for me, or another needs me to be something for them, we quickly find ourselves within the bars of NEED: prisoner. Love lives only as freedom. Freedom lives only as love. In my non-romantic relationships, where need does not live, or lives minimally, there is freedom for us to engage, explore, discover and most importantly CHANGE.  This reminds me of The Lorax (Dr. Seuss) and his th’needs; The Thing you Think you Need. Perhaps, we need less than we think?   

§§   I notice the selfishness connected to my wants and try to be useful to others.

§§   This is a hard one for me because I struggle with this too because it is hard for me to discover the same emotional closeness outside of romance. I am still learning how to balance this and enjoy my own company and strengthen bonds with my family.

§§   As someone who has married for 25 years, I would guess that there is a need within you that is not being met.  Being alone and being lonely are healthy aspects of life, but neither is beneficial for great lengths of time.  Self-discovery is vital to being a great partner.  I wonder if you are filling a void with a relationship/sex that only you can fill?  Always searching for another “one” feels like an addiction…perhaps mindfulness or prayer can help you find the source of your dependence.  Best of luck!

§§   This can be a tough one!! The feelings of euphoria that are connected with romance/sexuality, are often times, some of the most pleasurable experiences we face as sentient beings!! I’m certainly no expert on this, as I often find it difficult to detach, more so from romance, than from sex. I am learning however, that if one is honest with oneself, there will usually be a pattern that’s present, sometimes revealed by a current love interest with reflection on the past, or maybe discussed with some former love interests. Once the pattern is recognized, you must ask yourself, is the outcome(s) of my past relationship(s) one that feels good/right, or is it bitter/sad/painful?? Is that what I’m hoping to create/recreate, or would I prefer a different outcome?? Once I choose my preferred objective, I can then move in the direction necessary to achieve it, or at least, try to. Dependence is something I find hard to admit to, but realizing that you are, is the first step in obtaining independence and full potential realization of your true self!!

<<thanks to our dear community for thoughtful and unique responses – such wisdom and beauty!>>


SOAPBOX!

Following are your soapbox thoughts!

soapbox.jpg

 <<y’all should get on that damn box more often! 🙂 >>

I am a blessing to this world!

 

I tire of watching our society blame individuals for the toxicity of the whole. 

 

Life is a swimming pool.  Dive in!


THOUGHTFUL

reading in nature

 

Following are a few thoughtful thoughts:  

  • Does fear keep me from experiencing relationships grounded in freedom?
  • Does dependence keep me from experiencing relationship grounded in freedom?
  • How do I manage fear?  Is this a healthy way to manage?
  • Do I avoid situations because of fear?  
    • If so, am I restricting my life in order to ‘feel’ safe?
  • Am I afraid of being alone?
  • Do I understand how to be alone in a healthy way?
  • Do I fear the feeling of loneliness?
    • If so, am I willing to embrace loneliness and lessen my fear?
  • Am I addicted to the initial burst of romance/sex?
  • Do I fear being unloved? loved?
  • Do I need to be loved?

meditation of love
All blessings and tinkling bells of honey to your heart.

 

 

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