This entry is dedicated to me – for my willingness to trust, again.
I am trust-challenged: reluctant and wary of trusting.
Yes, I speak these words freely, although it is difficult for me to admit this truth to myself (and others) for I was once quite trusting…but deep betrayals flung my pendulum from complete and utter (perhaps blind) trust into the realm of distrust and suspicion: constantly waiting for the lies (hurt).
Unfortunately, I am not being melodramatic, this truly has been my daily existence for almost four years. Yet, I sense change brewing deep within me and I feel myself standing on a threshold of choice: to trust or not; and whom.
Trust is as personal as our fingerprints; no two people perceive nor experience trust in the same manner, so I have quite a task ahead of me as I attempt to share all that I have learned about trust in a manner that deepens understanding of our unique trust-prints. <<my hopes loom large, i know 🙂 >>
Trust is not something that can be defined in an absolute way…it is unique and mysterious, yet a necessary part of healthy relationships. So, I would like you to understand how differently others view and experience trust by pondering the survey results and quotes from the community.
Following are the Trust survey results. (100% is yes/always):
- I am a trustworthy person. 87%
- I am quick to trust those I do not know well. 51%
- I freely trust those closest to me. 77%
- I know how to discern if/how to trust another person. 69%
- My trust for others is based on my instinct/intuition. 70%
- My trust for others is based on their words/actions. 79%
- I have learned to overcome the loss of trust in a relationship where I felt betrayed. 72%
- I have learned to re-establish the loss of trust in a relationship in which another felt betrayed by me. 79%
- Trust is the most important quality in my relationships. 84%
- Sharing a vulnerable aspect of oneself invites trust from another. 79%
Before continuing, I would like you to pause and reflect back to the results. Here are two questions I’d like you to consider:
- Which result was my response most different from? Do I understand why?
- Which response(s) surprised me the most?
As for me, which result differed most from mine? <<do we need a drum-roll?!, because it ain’t no surprise to me 😉 >> #2! I believe I answered in the 35% range…so I skewed this result down for ya’ll who are more trusting of unknown-peeps!
And which response(s) surprised me the most? I find the difference between #7 & #8 intriguing, but the ones that stood out immediately were #4 and #9.
#4: I am not sure why but I felt a deep sense of sadness when I saw that #4 was so low; do many of us find it difficult to discern if or how we should trust another person? I thought I was alone in this…it makes me wonder just how difficult it is to understand and effectively apply trust in life.
#9: I shook my head at #9, baffled that anything could possibly be more important than trust in a relationship. I believe I voted near 95% on that one. <<leaving a little room so i could change my mind in the future 😉 >>
#1 & #2: I would also like to note that we consider ourselves 87% trustworthy, but we only trust others at 51%…if we are all so trustworthy, should we not be more trusting of others? <<i ask this sincerely, as one of the distrusting people…just tugging on your brain here 🙂 >>
Following are a few quotes from our community on Trust:
Trust is knowing someone truly is who they say they are! 🙂
Trust is being able to confide in someone without worrying about judgement.
Trust is based upon the character of and experience with the other person; with some, we have been betrayed, lied to, taken advantage of, and manipulated until we know not to trust that person, regardless of whether we love them.
Trust is the lowering of ones defenses and allowing oneself to be vulnerable towards someone who you believe has your best interests and well-being at heart.
Trust is the repeated experience of another person’s commitment to kindness, in the most challenging situations.
Trust is earned, which takes time.
Trust is like a mother’s arms, initially inherent; like hitting a bullseye, trust is reinforced experience; and like discovering a new shortcut, trust is expanded through learning.
WHOA your horses!
Before you rush off, or haphazardly stumble through the questions below, please stop. Do not pause. Stop. Exhale. And wonder about Trust…really wonder…what is trust?
I highly recommend a book I read years ago when I committed to understanding the nuances of Trust: The Science of Trust. <<if data/charts aren’t your thing, just skip the parts concerning the scientific studies, they are not necessary>> I will be referring to this book over the next month, as I delve into the multi-faceted jewel called Trust.
Thoughtful on Trust
Following are a few thoughtful thoughts:
- How important is trust in my relationships? If it is very important, do others know this about me?
- Do I fully understand what I need from others, in order to trust them? If not, how can I determine my needs? If so, have I communicated my needs to others?
- Do I fully understand what others need from me, in order to trust me? If not, do I want to know? If so, am I thoughtful about meeting their needs?
- Where do I fall on the scale of easily trusting/extremely discerning? Do I understand why I am this way?
- Is trust built upon small moments in life? Or is trust built upon large promises?
- How do I trust: blindly trust? discerningly trust? suspiciously trust? fully trust? partially trust? All of the above? None?!